"Verizon Commercial"

I remember working on these commercials back inthe day when it was just the Verizon dude and not the huge crowd of people they call the Network in today's commercials. It's weird cause I always thought they used computer graphics to add the Network in on their commercials, well I can say they don't. They use many and I mean many people to fill those spots. Today we have a 400 extra background call.. Normally on cattle calls like these you have all types of werid background folks showing up on set but for some reason the  majority of people that showed up were actually hot, I mean even some of the guys looked fuckable.

 (I know that sounds gay, which i'm not!!! But these extras were really hot looking)

I was talking with some of the Agency people and they said they made sure that their extras were hot looking especially the women. I'm not sure if it's weird or maybe it's just Hollywood but even some of the female Agency  peeps were talking how they just wanted to go up and grab some of these woman's asses.

 (now if us guys were to talked like that on set it would be considered Sexual harrassment, hmm. Go figure)

We had so many people on the crew that we had to have 2 catering trucks, one for the crew and Sag extras, and the other for the non union extras.  What I really hate is answering every person where to go to check in at.

 (now if people can't see that huge long line with people holding their clothes then somethings wrong)

EXTRA: Is that the check in line?

ME: No, it's the bathroom line. (I lied)

EXTRA: What the fuck.

ME: Yeah, I know, I guess when you have to go you really have to go.

I point to another section of tables with paper work on it and told people to go over there.

EXTRA: Cool man thanks.

(I know I'm being an ass right now, but my crew call was 3:30 in the morning, who in the hell works at 3 in the morning? Not only that but do you know its really annoying when you have signs posted everywehere for crew to park and when people drive up what's the first thing they ask. "Is this Verizon?" Sometimes i just don't know what to say, I mean the sign i'm standing next too says Verizon. It could get really irritating especially at 3 in the morning. How many people do you know work at that time of day? Well other than drug dealers and hookers. Okay so I was just a little cranky)

I hate having  to tell people where to go and the job of kicking someone out of line just cause their not union so I assigned one of my guards in that spot while I went to go and park some cars in the crew lot. When breakfast was done I switched back into basecamp. I ask my guard how things went.

GUARD: It would of went better, but alot of these extras were pissed off, someone told them to stand in the wrong line. people were late and things were all screwed up.

ME: Damn, I hate when people do that.

GUARD: I don't know, but everybody was all pissed off.

(Yes I know, I'm an ass at times)

Most of the day was the usual crap, kids trying to roam around trailer land, homeless bothering the catering truck for food and so on and so on. I went back to crew parking later that day, since I had to charge my phone. We had just rolls and rolls of cars parking in this church parking lot. I walk around this one isle and come face to face with one of the blonde hotties from the commercial. I must of startled her cause she dropped her asprin jar.

GIRL: Oh my god you like so scared the goosebumps out of me.

(What the hell?)

ME: Sorry.

She picks up her container and opens it. It's filled with white powder.

GIRL: Wanna do some lines with me?

ME: Nah, I'm good.

GIRL: I know your good, you sure you don't want none?

ME: Yeah I'm sure.

She starts to sniff that stuff into her nose.

ME: Besides, I'm more of a Pepsi guy than a Coke guy.

The girl stares at me in puzzlement. I slowly start to walk backwards.

She starts laughing.

GIRL: Oh my god your so freaking funny. (she continues to laugh)

(it wasn't that funny)

ME: Well I'm off to do some security stuff.

GIRL: My body feels so tingly, you sure you don't want your body feeling this good sweetie Or at least feel my tingly sensation?

(I had one of those look at the camera for 2 seconds and smile moments)

ME: I pass, see you on set.

GIRL: That you will.

I walk away just as I get 3 more isles down the way I run into a car load of PA's smoking pot.

They ask me the usual questions "like do I ever see any weird stuff in a parking lot" Yes and No I answer them, but nothing too out their lately. I walk away and just 3 more isles down from the Pa's I come across this car with this girl laying on her back humming. I stop in my tracks, just something didn't look right. I back up and look into the car. The girl wasn't humming, she was moaning. She had one of those electrical devices in her downtown spot with her other hand under her shirt playing with her nipples. I'm not sure if she had her eyes open since she was wearing shades. So after 5 minutes of staring with excitement I walk away (just kiding, it was more like 2 minutes)

I thought what the Pa's had asked me a few minutes earlier. I think this comes up as one of those weird things you never see in a parking lot. Yep, gotta love those cattle calls.

"The White Motor Home"

Tonight I'm working up in Palmdale at this one location where they seem to film at all the time. 4 Aces, you probably seen this location in the Lady gagga and Beyonce music video among many others and movies. I have the night shift, which I pretty much prefer since it's freaking hot out here. When I arrived this morning it was already in the 100's and it was only 7:30 am. I arrive early just incase I couldn't find the location, I get there with plenty of light and walk around the whole place to see what equipment might be left out. I make sure I check my phone for service,

(there's many sites that I worked where we have to phone service what so ever)

I also arrive early so I can stock up at Craft service since many shows now days are not leaving out any drinks out for us. As I'm taking my snackages and drinks back to my truck I notice a old white Mortor home drive by slowly. I think nothing of it since i'm sure alot of people are amused when they see filming going on in their area. I did notice teh people in driving the motor home were very old, skinny and had long greasy hair. I sworn they looked like extras from a Rob Zombie movie. It's dark when they finally wrap, i'm told by the Rep for this location that the guy who  lives in the trailer behind the fake hotel won't be in tonight. So I'm pretty much on my own. It's pitched dark when the last AD finally leaves, I didn't realize just how dark it was going to be here. I forget they had lights up lighting up this location. I walk over to crew parking and drive my truck at the location. I park myself in between the picture cars they leave over night. I park myself here so no one would know where I'm at.

(Usually security guys park their car away from everything which only tells people where he is)

I walk around trying to pass the night away, not many cars drive on this highway, one thing for sure I didn't see any highway patrol driving by like the Officers on set would come check on me. It's pitched dark out here, I here noises from the bushes all around but I'm thinking wild life (hopefully) 3 am comes around when I finally see headlights from the distance. I sit low in my truck, and watch the vehicle come closer. That's when I notice the vehicle is the White Motor Home that I seen earlier. (Can't forget a old broken down vehicle like that) The Mortor Home slows down very slow, then stops in front of my location. I sit in my truck waiting to see what they're going to do. Hell maybe theyre just checking out the location, not sure. The headlights turn off in the mortor home but the engine is still running. They open their side door. It's just as dark in there as it is outside. I still don't make any movements, I'm keeping my post a secret. Not only does no one come out but I start to hear chicken and turkey calls coming from the Motor home. The screams go on for about 15 minutes, during this time I look all around me incase they knew where I was and was coming from my rear position. But i don't see anything nor does anyone come out from the Motor home. I see more headlights coming from the opposite direction, I notice it's the transpo team and catering truck on it's way to me. The Motor home drives off with out closing it's door, the Motor home almost collides with the catering truck when making it's turn as it drove off. When the catering parks in their spot to set up, they ask me "Who the hell that was"  I let them know I have no idea.

The sun is starting to shine and the heat is also starting to rise. I'm asked by the Producers if I can stay to park cars. I tell them no problem. I'm parking cars, while eating my breakfast burrito when I notice the White Motor home driving near us. I stand there looking at the slow vehicle seeing the same old dirty couple staring at me. I watch the vehicle drive by slowly when I hear pounding from the back window. I think it was a older woman not too sure but they were hitting the glass with an hatchet while pointing their finger at me then across their neck. Creepy, hell yeah it was! The Motor home gets some speed and drives off. When our officers show up I let them know what happened that night.

The Officer tells me I should of taken down the plates (which they had none) cause they have a missing report of hikers not being found only their personal belongings and clothing. Great now why didn't the night officers tell me that. The worst part is, I have to come back here tonight by myself unarmed. It's going to be one of those nights

"I'm suppose to be protecting the Bears?"

So since I was already working up in Palmdale my dad told me I should take this commercial which they'll set me up in a hotel for a few days up in Apple Valley. As it is I already had a few hard nights working up here in the middle of nowhere With people coming over with guns and other driving creepy motorhomes threatening with axes. (more in book) and now he wants me to go to this commercial out in the middle of nowhere.

DAD: It's 25 dollars an hour and they'll cash you out when the job is over.

Okay now the job seemed a little more interesting. I just worked in pitched darkness what's a few more nights working in darkness right? right. I made my way over thru palmdale by driving the 138 to the 15 fwy and towards the Apple Valley off ramp. This town seems to be growing, nice homes and new stores, of course my destination was past all of that. I was pretty much in the middle of nowhere. The landscaping for where I was looked exactly like a back drop from the set of "LAND OF THE LOST" (I kid you not) I could see where the trucks where up in the dirt hill and pretty much any of the prepping crew cars. Of course I didn't have the junker I have today i still owned my durango so offroading wasn't a problem. I meet the lovely and sexy Production Manager, she introduces me to the crew. I walk around the area but stay away from the crew doing their pre lighting. The crew wraps up and before they leave one of the Producers walks up to me.

Producer: So we have really really important stuff for you to watch.

I look around and didn't really see much other than the production trucks and some wiring all over the place.

PRODUCER: Oh not here, over here where the set is.

So I walk over with him. The Producer points.

PRODUCER: That's what we need watching throughout both nights.

I look to see 2 huge cages with huge hairy bears sitting in them. around the cages were the trainers making sure things were secured tight.

(Okay so I'm thinking, what em I exactly suppose to do again? I don't remember this is the security training manual)

TRAINER: Whatever you do, don't make any sudden movements around them, don't eat around them.

(Wait I can't eat my double western bacon cheeseburger I have sitting in my car, wtf!)

It was pretty much a list of don't s.

ME: So what if they happen to get out of the cage?

TRAINER 2: Well son, you ever see that movie Forrest Gump?

ME: Yea.

TRAINER 2: You remember that scene Run Forrest Run!

ME: Yea.

TRAINER 2: That's what you do son, you run like Forrest Gump!

Okay so I'm not the slimiest guy in the world but could i really out run a bear if needed too? I was thinking if 25 bucks an hour was actually worth this.

The night was cold, yet very clear. You could see every star, very beautiful. It was so dark that the car headlights down by the road stood out. I made my rounders but kept very far from the bears, if these sucker get out there's no way I'll be able to see them in this darkness. Besides if anyone came around I'm sure they'll shit their pants running into these bears in darkness. The night was very boring, not much to do. I kept thinking I could be home right now and having fun with my girlfriend yet here I am sitting in the darkness watching huge bears. Late in the night a car parked below my area, man I sure hope they don't want to hike up here. They didn't instead they were having wild animal sex. The girl screamed huh huh huh which seemed like almost forever. (yeah things you want to hear while being stuck in the middle of darkness) They finally left around close to 4am, now I just had to get out of the truck and stretch.. I knew for sure that catering will be showing up in an hour or so (they always come early) I keep my distance and walk over to the other side of these crazy hills. The cold wind was blowing pretty good by now. Then the scent of wet animal caught my attention. At first I was thinking it's just the bears, but the bears were on the other side and the wind was blowing in a different direction. What the hell em I smelling. Coyote? I have a pretty bright flashlight, i start flashing everywhere, then my light caught eyes staring at me from on top of the rocks. I couldn't tell what it was, but when it moved down, I knew exactly. Mountain lion! Great, I make my way to my truck as fast as I can with out running ( I read once that lions like their feast to run) I made it back to my truck okay, but the rest of the nights I was there, I only walked around my truck to stretch out.



"Farm? Studio? Haunted House?"

I'm walking around the stage area over in Laurel cyn stages. Ive been doing this for way too many years now and this is the first timeI have ever been to this stage. I guess there are many studios that I've yet been too. It's the film crews day off so I wonder through everywhere talking on my 2way nextel phone (no one uses those anymore) not worrying about keeping the sound down. In my conversation I hear baby cries. I stop in place and try to locate where the cries are coming from. I search the whohle lot and even outside the gate to find the source of this sound. Nothing. I come close to the stage door and there was the cry. I put my ear closer  to the door and hear the baby screams from inside. Must be the janitor's doing their weekly cleaning. I just don't remember seeing them enter the building.  A few days later I let the stage manager know about the Janitor's baby crying. He gives me this weird look.

HIM: They only come on Tuesdays.

That would of made it Sunday when I heard the cries.

ME: Well it came from inside.

HIM: You know this place is haunted.

(Now they tell me)

ME: How do you know that?

HIM: The girl who works on the other side had her pyschic friend come in and walk through the place. She said she saw a family of farmers. Now not too many people know that this was a farm before it was turned into a building back in the early 60's. Even I have encounter weird stuff that I can't explain or smelled like animals in here.

(come to think of it, I never heard any other voices or noises coming from inside)

Were done with this location and moving on to Blue Sky Ranch. Dirt. I hate Dirt.