"Opportunity Knocks Pt. 3"

"Opportunity Knocks loses its Opportunity"

Early morning drive to Castaic Lake. Last time I worked out here I was watching this house were this HugeHollywood  movie star's son and a few of his friends broke into the house we were filming in. I was also asked to do Dukes of Hazard 2 since they were going to film that out here. The money wasn't right, especially to drive this far out everyday back and forth. I'm sorry but if they could afford to put the whole crew up in hotels and not their security team. There's something wrong with that picture.

We arrive at basecamp very early in the morning, the wind is very and i mean very cold. So cold I'm pissing ice cubes in the honeywagon. I think I drank 3 or 4 cups of hot chocolate just to defrost myself. Yeah I'm totally not used to this. 7am rolls around and now the permit allows us to move into the neighborhood. When we arrive all hell is breaking loose. Nobody paid any attention to the "NO PARKING" signs posted and we had alot of cars parked in our spots for the trucks.

(Location managers and Producers, if you know your going to need the spot clear put a security officer on the spot with cones and they'll have that spot cleared for you... well at least some companies would... it avoids early morning shouts and rants from all the heads of each departments.)

I think i drank too much chocolate cause i was in and out pissing most of the morning. I did have breakfast. All i can say is that this catering company can really freaking cook!! The day went smooth typical crap like "why can't I park here, I live here" shit. We blocked the whole street to build our stage. Once the sun started to go down it got really cold. Thank God I'm not working the night shift, too cold for my blood.

Next morning it's freezing as fuck as usual. I passed on breakfast, cause today they were filming and i knew that they serve BBq to the neighbors for the inconvience they were causing. We had annoying kids trying to ride their skateboards thru our set, Sr had a fun time chasing them. I had the weird kid on my side.

KID: Hey security, why they filming here, my dad says they should film in poor neighborhoods since their neighborhood is already dirty it won't matter if the tv people mess it up.

ME: Dunno, ask locations.

KID: Hey security, do you know that ufo's land over in the lake there.

ME: Right.

KID: Hey security you wanna take pictures of me naked?

ME: wtf!

KID: Yeah, my mommy does it all the time with her friends.

ME: Your serious?

KID: Yeah, nothing wrong with it, you want to see the color of my underwear.

He starts unzipping his pants.

ME: Whoa whoa! your one freaking weird kid. Go home dude. really go home!

KID: Fine, but my mom sent me out here to see if you want to come over and see her naked. I'm going to tell her you didn't.

The kid skateboards away. For a really nice looking neighborhood there's some weird kids running around here. Our officers show up since now we have to blockade the streets and getting ready for our huge background group to show up.

OFFICER: How's it going buddy.

ME: Not bad, very nice neighborhood. Alot of empty homes I guess the real estate effect is hitting up here too.

OFFICER: Well most of the vacant homes here were drug dealers that we hauled away.

ME: What? I thought all the druggies moved to Chino, and all the Meth heads moved to Apple Valley.

OFFICER: Well we still have our share of smugglers here, they like the trails that lead into the angeles forrest.

The officer starts pointing to various houses showing me which ones were drug dealers and which ones still are.

OFFICER: One of these days they're going to slip like their partners but well catch them one of these days.

I wondered why majority of everyone in this neighborhood drove really expensive cars.

"Beep Beep!"

I turn to this BMW that wants to pull into our street.

ME: Sorry miss but the streets are closed now, you have to go around the block.

GIRL: Oh really? They started shooting.

ME: Soon, they just have tons of equipment laid out now.

The girl doesn't say anything, jsut stares at me.

ME: You know huge equipment blocking the street so you can't fit.

GIRL: Do you want to fuck?

Me: What? you want a buck? Or did you say what i thought you said?

GIRL: No not a buck, lol I make more than you will ever do in a lifetime. I want to know if you want to fuck?

ME: What?

GIRL: I am so digging on your tan and I know if i was to have a kid from you that kid will have your nice tan.

(Just stand in the sun for 12 hours and you too could have this tan)

ME: Just because I'm tanned doesn't mean your kid will have a tan.

GIRl: I'm so sure, of course he will. Look no ones home where I live, i just want a baby with your tan that would be so awesome!

ME: Sorry, but i'm taken and comitted to my girl (when i had a girl)

GIRL: Aww thats so romantic, man i wish i could find someone who had your tan for my baby.

ME: Sorry.

The girl drives off. The officer walks up to me.

OFFICER: That was alot of smiling there young man what did she want.

ME: She wanted to fuck.

OFFICER: What did you say?

 ME: I said no.

OFFICER: Are you fucking crazy that girl was smoking hot.

(she was hot, blonde blue eys, fit body type. but i'm one of those comitted guys)

ME: Yeah i know, but I'm taken.

OFFICER: Who fucking cares, shit I would of gave her a police escort up to the park and fucked her in my backseat.

ME: Wait, aren't you married.

OFFICER: Who cares, what she doesn't know won't hurt her.

ME: Nah, I have kids and a family.

OFFICER: So you''ll have a really rich bastard kid running around in castaic. Shit I have bastard kids I know running around from one nighters while on duty.

Me: Your crazy, lol. I don't play the wild side no more.

OFFICER: Your wrong man, damn. I can't be around you right now. You let a freaking hot chick go. Shit she could of been your suger momma. Damn your one stupid security gaurd.

ME: Yeah thanks. (fucking prick)

The officer walks away. I know that If i was siingle i would of did some really naughty damage, but I can't what can I say I'm in love.

Nightfall comes around they start shooting the episode. Our reliefs come in, I see the police officer talking to one of the grumpy neighbors who wanted money for the inconvience. Yes the production paid the neighbors 500.00 just for having them park their car across the street rather than in front of their house.

MAN: (points at me) You see that security guard kids, those guys are poor. They make only minimum wage, and can't find a real job.

I want to say something but i know i'll lose my temper. This young blonde lady walks out with drinks.

LADY: Here honey.

I recognize the girl, it's the girl from earlier. The officer recognizes the girl too, he looks at me and points to the girl.

OFFICER: Don't judge that security guy. I worked with him before you'll be suprised some of the hot sex offers he's gotten from people, it would freaking shock you.

MAN: Yeah like they could get pussy.

(if i was a prick i couldof had your wife's pussy jerk face!)

I keep on walking, not worth my time right now to argue. I guess that officer wasn't a prick after all. I could feel the ladies eyes just staring at me. I keep walking towards the car, man did it feel good to finally sit down.

A few days after we get the news that this tv show is canceled due to poor ratings. I guess it's break time till 2009 since no one films during the holidays.  

"Opportunity Knocks Pt. 2"

(Deebo is Real!)

We get back to set around 4am, feels like I never slept last night. We talk with the some of the security guards that work at this stadium where we are using our crew and left over truck parking. They tell us that Sarah Palin is going to be here today. I'm glad I'm not doig crew parking today, I could only imagine how many people are going to be here today, and it being a saturday only makes it even worse. When we get to set I'm posted by the same spot watching the stage. The crew call isn't till 10 am, so it's pretty quiet, well till I hear ah huh uh uh uh uh uh uh  fuck me! fuck me! Yea the house next to us was having morning nookie. Nothing more annoying than having to hear that shit while your at work. I knew I should of brought my ipod. I walk around try to get myself further away from the screaming. The usual neighbors come out picking up their newspapers and doing their walking the dog routine. Okay for some reason time seems to be going just a little slow. I see one of the neighbors pick up some cable. (interesting) The neighbor starts to walk back towards their house.

ME: Um, exucse me where are you going with that cable?

LADY: lol, I thought I would get a souvenier, pretty cool shit a film job here in my hood.

ME: Souveneir? I dont think so, put that shit back.

LADY: Gee nigga, there's like tons of cable and shit out here they won't mind
.
ME: Are you fucking serious? Look just put that cable back.

LADY: Whatcha going to do huh nigga!

ME: Well I could call the authorites if I have to enforce this issue. That's the production property and you taking it is stealing.

LADY: What, let me guess it's stealing cause i'm black. I bet if i was white you let me keep this shit.

ME: Whatever just put that shit back.

LADY: Nigga you put that shit back.

The lady drops the cable by her front door and enters her house slamming the door behind her.

(Too early for this shit!)

The production starts to arrive. (hopefully time goes by just as fast as yesterday) I have neighbors coming up to me for their lunch tickets. I explain to them that the tickets were passed out to people who live in the area and not from other cities. ( can you beleive that  someone from long beach drove down here cause they heard there was free food ticket vouchers being passed here) I watch the crew do their last sound test since they will be filming tonight around 7pm. They bring up the winning family to the stage. Then they start rehearsing. Okay so this is new to me, I didnt know that reality game shows reheasrd their contestants reactions to the prizes and questions. I wonder if they already know what they won. I could hear one of the producers tell the family

Producer: You have to jump up and down and scream for criyng out loud. Show some emotion, scream your head off.

I guess this is how they do it for game shows. I look on as i hear a short whistle squuek behind me. I turn around and see this big black guy riding a bike. He has a white shirt and blue basketball shorts with his socks up gangsta style. It's the guys bike that's making the noise. He stops next to me.

GUY: Yo what up Nig! What this shit in my hood going on!

ME: Tv show.

GUY: No shit D.

(D?)

GUY: Shit they pick the d'wrong family, I'm the star in this hood ya dig D.

ME: Oh yeah what makes you a star?

GUY: Check this out D, I run this hood. All these niggas here d'bfraid of me.

He points to a house across the street. Kids are looking from their window.

GUY: I run this Hood Don't I little nigga's! I D'king of Dis hood!

The kids by the window close their curtain.

(I take it this is D, the kids who seem to be afraid of)

DEEBO: I hear there's a cook out today, shit I d'roll in money today.

He pulls out tons of bbq tickets.

DEEBO: Shit I d'sellin this shit to the neighbors.

ME: Did you really actually go door to door and pull those from peoples housses?

DEEBO: Why not, No privacy in d'hood!

The guy rides away. Some kids come out from their houses.

KID: Shit  man you brave, talking to D.

ME: He's not that scary.

This girl walks up.

GIRL: That's becuase your not a little kid. He only picks on kids under 16. That nigger don't pull that shit with me or anyone near his age.

ME: How old is he?

GIRL :40.

(what the fuck 40 and he's still hussling little kids? And riding a bike ad not driving. WTF!)

KID: He's always taking our shit from us.

GIRL: I call him Deebo. You know from Friday.

ME: LOL! Well they both rode a squeky bike and both were big black guys that looked dirty.

(no im not racist)

Lunch time rolls around, and the same time the neighborhood BBq starts up. Things start to heat up. Location starts to freak out. Our guard in crew parking is having problems with protesters for the Sarah Palin ordeal. They send the officers we have on set to give him a hand. The 2nd caterers are freaking out cause more neighbors are showing up than tickets were passed. The Pa they had posted there was afraid to be by himself. Locations comes up to us.

LOCATIONS: We need another guard.

(isn't that what I said yesterday)

ME: It's going to be a couple of hours till he gets here.

LOCATIONS: Why 2 hours why not now?

ME: Cause he has to get dressed then drive down here.

LOCATIONS: Make it an hour.

The location guy walks away. I still don't understand why locations think we have this magic hat that could just pull guards out of nowhere. It's going to take time to find last minute guys. Always amazes me. I get the fun honors of doing the neghborhood bbq post. (fun) I make sure the ppl give the Pa's their tickets.

PA: Damn Rj I'm so glad your here. I never been or seen so many black people before in my life.

ME: You need to get out more often.

PA: Shit, I'm from vermont, we don't really have backs or mexicans there.

ME: Welcome to Cali.

Things seem to move pretty smoothly. Except for the issue we had with Deebo selling tickets. What a snake he sold most of his tickets to little kids 2 blocks away. I guess he knew he couldn't pull that shit near by. The BBQ had some really good stuff. baked mac n cheeese, hot dogs, hot links, cheeseburgers, tuna melts, Ribs, corn on the cob. Corn Bread, they really went out. I couldn't resist and had that instead of the crew cater which had some type of chicken dish and New York Steak. I see Deebo riding to us.

DEEBO: This D'line for the D'food?

(Yes his D's were freaking annoying now you have to read it...lol)

ME: yup, you have your ticket?

DEEBO: Nah, D. I sold D'tickets.

ME: Well First of all you weren't suppose to sell anything and second i guess your eating at home cause you need a ticket to get some grub.

DEEBO: What! D'bullshit! You D aint kool!

He looks over to some of the kids he sold his tickets too.

DEEBO: Hey little nigga give me D'plate!

The kids ignore him.

DEEBO: Hey nigga's give me your plate D'said!

ME: Why don't you use the money you made any buy your self some food.

DEEBO: Thats my drink money.

Someone from the tables screams out. "Fuck off you little bitch!"

DEEBO: Who said D'shit! Huh, Step Up To D'man!

MAN: I said that nigga!

This huge muscle bound black guy stands up from the table. I think it took Deebo by surprise cuase his tone changed.

DEEBO: You sho? Cuase It sounded like D'voice came more over D'left side over Dere.

MAN: No you heard me nigga get the fuck out of here before I go beat your fucking ass!

DEEBO: (low voice) You little niggas wait to these film people leave, I d'gettin my cheeseburgers back.

Deebo rides off onto the next block. I help the caters clean their area and move back to set where they are starting to get ready with the extras for the show to start. They use majority of the neighbors as extras and have another 300 paid extras to fill in the spots. I'm just glad that my day is almost over. The weather really changed and from hot to cold just as soon as the sun goes down. Before I knew it my shift was over. I could only imagine how tomorrows going to be with the wrap out.

"Opportunity Knocks"

My alarm rings at 2'30 am. Damn feels like I just went to bed. I'm so not used to waking up this early, been such a long time. (I stopped working security for almost a year now) Our call time is 4'30 am over in Carson. I carpool with Sr, when we arrrive it's overcast with that cold winter breeze. You could smell the ocean in the air, didn't realize we were that close to the ocean. Damn it's cold! The caterer show's up and has the coffee going, of course me not being a coffee drinnker I just had some hot chocolate. The very hot cup defrosted my hands, mental note "bring gloves". The smell of bacon at 4'am brings back the realization that yup I'm back at work. I do the crew parking making sure cars are parked correctly, this crew has tons and tons of people. I hear around 250. Oh wait I forgot to mention what show I'm working on. So this show that Sr, is working on is a tv game show that shoots on location. What they pretty much do is take over a whole neighborhood and build up this huge stage that takes the whole street and has the random family answer questions about each other and in the end they win tons of cash and prizes. The name of the show is called "Opportunity Knocks" which airs on tuesday nights on ABC around 8'pm, The executive Producer is Ashton  Kutchner. So the set up is easy, prep and build the stage on Friday, shoot the game show on saturday night around 7pm then sunday wrap it up and leave the neighborhood as it was when we first arrived.

We don't arrive into the neighborhood till after 7am since that's when the permits start, plus we had to wait till the camera crew knocks on the winning neighbors door and takes them away. (some nearby hotel) We pretty much take over the whole street. We had 2 blockades from keeping stray cars from coming thru on the street while the crew was working. Of course we had highway patrol to help us with that, but the 2 officers we had with us were very new to film crews and didn't know what to do, so they did what every officer does on set does. Nothing! eat craft service, catering truck and sit in their car all day long. They should of changed their title to Transportation. At least they were cool people and friendly and not assholes like some 399 bitches. As the day goes along I stay away from the catering truck, don't get me wrong they had really good food, but just wasnt sure if my stomach could take that just yet, I seen some of the plates. they really served tons and tons of food. On the menu they had the" Kitchen sink" on their menu.

ME: What's the kitchen sink?

COOK: That's everything brother, Everything including the kitchen sink!

Whoa! sounds delicious but not sure if my stomach can handle that, especially not having catering food in almost a year. But damn very tempting. Of course that particular item on the menu was the tranpo's favorite. (nothing changes on set) One of the officers tried that item. He spent most of the day in the restroom. (Heck I warned him)
I seen alot of people that I havent seen in such a long time, and of course it's the same story no one really fully recovered from the writer strike and with this Actor strike pending it's slow in holllywood. Everything seems to be filming out of state rather than in Cali. Of course someone did say that if they filmed locally and they striked  they would have every tom and jane out there picketing, but if they filmed like in New mexico or Massachuesetts, (which both of these states has had more filming done this year than California)  nobody will go over there to picket. (made sense) The day is going by pretty quick. of course I heard the same complaints from neighbors "why you filming here?" "Why doesn't hollywood film in their own town" yada yada yada....( nothing seems to change) The best line I heard so far today was when various crew members were asking me" hey brother whats's for lunch?" Is this a trick question? Lunch on a film set is always the same: It's either Beef, Fish or Chicken..never changes. I'm posted by stage, I have neighbors and kids to keep my hands full for most of the day. Around 6'pm they serve dinner. Dinner? This is new to me, okay I'm used to breakfast then lunch 6 hours later but now 6 hours after that they serve a full meal again? I passed on dinner,  and gave it to one of the neighbors. I see a herd of neighbors coming my direction.

GIRL: Why you give him food and not us?

ME: I only had one plate.

GIRL: Nigga he dont need to be eatin. Shit I got 6 babies at home right now starving.

ME: If you have six babies at home then why aren't you at home taking care of them?

GIRL: Nigga you ain't my man, unless I'm sucking your dick, you can't tell me what to do!

(yup things really didn't change on location)

GIRL2: We ain't really trippin on that homie, check this out my home girl Kenisha down the street little baby sista got this letter in her box saying that they're having a BBQ for the neighbors.

GIRL3: What a sista in this hood need to do to get some of that right up food yo.

ME: let me find out for you.

I call locations.

LOCATION: Hi, what can I do for you ladies?

GIRL2: We need to get our Grub on!

GIRL1: Honey in my tummy makes it so yummy!

GIRL4: Where they Meal tickets being passed out at!

The location manager doesn't say a word. He turns to me and whispers.

LOCATION: What are they saying?

ME: They want tickets to the neighborhood BBQ.

LOCATION: Oh you want tickets to the BBQ?

GIRL5: Nigga wat you think we out here for! Our health!

The crowd starts to laugh.

GIRL 2: Shit mutha fucka I got kids to feed ya know.

The location manager lets them know that invitations were passed to the nearby houses, somewhere around 250 houses. (that's going to be fun) As the crowd leaves to go back home, majority of them were calling their friends talking about coming down tomorrow cause theres a big bbq going on. (yea really fun)

LOCATIONS: Rj make sure that Sr put's someone on that post tomorrow.

ME: If you do that you know your going to need another guard.

LOCATION: No, I think the PA brothers could cover someone's shift till that bbq is done.

I think otherwise, but hey thats just my suggestion. 6'30 pm, almost time to go home, yes. My day is almost over just 30 more minutes to go. I get a group of kids asking me alot of questions about the show, of course I never seen an episode.

KID1: Mmama say we going to eat tomorrow, is that tru?

ME: It is if you guys got one of those invitations.

KID2: My mama say we coming even if we dont got one.

KID3: My mama say you can't do nothing but blind us with your flashlight.

(Nice kids)

Before I could say something this littel girl comes running  towards us from down from the street.

GIRL: D! D be comin!

KIDS: D! Shit run home homie!

ME: Who the fuck is D?

All the kids run in every direction down the street. Someone taps me on my shoulder. It's my relief. Wow time to go home guess i dont get to find out what scared all these kids away. Oh well.
The ride home isn't too bad pretty quick. After my shower I sit in my dark room alone  (kids are with their mother for the weekend) It's very quiet, used to the kids being loud. These long hours in this biz can make someone feel lonely. yup things never changed. 

"Boogeyman 2 finished filmming"

So I'm recaping the events that took place on the set of "Boogeyman 2" job over at the Linda Vista hospital in Boyle Heights. Lets see.....



My first night there I had to call the police from the many visitors that were roaming around the facility, had a homeless guy tell me ghost were dragging him around the hallways (more on posted blog) Had a female gangbanger pull a knife on us while she and her friends were running around the hallways...walked into a bunch of guys doing a train on this very young petite girl, just so she could be down with her Barrio.



(The girl was kind enough to show us how her and the other boys came into the building, pretty much their weakest link)



 Had little wannabe gangbangers skip school one day so they can walk into the building and see the actor's naked, also had to hear how they supposely killed the girl who was found in the lake in the park across the street....talked with this older lady who claimed to be a nurse at the hospital when it was still functional



( Her ghost stories blow mine out of the water!)



 Had to work a double cause one of my guards quit from being scared of the ghost roaming around the building.



(Embarrasing story, but I did hear the footsteps walking very close to me)



While roaming the Nurses building with a scout from another show, we had a basketball hit my leg from behind us.



(Never did find anyone down there in the basement with us, hell I'm not even sure why there was a basketball down there in the first place)



 We had every fire man in La county putting out this Apartment that went into blaze around 6am.... Experienced bad  catering food (blog "Is that Bacon?") Had the site rep Rusty and some of his clients come to me one saturday afternoon to see if I could find the little 8yr old girl running around in a gown on the 3rd floor.



(3rd floor is suppose to be the most haunted)



Encountering another drive by...wittnessing the Best boy and PA having sex  in they're car... even worse actually wittnessing the site rep and his strangley girlfriend haveing sex in their office (really didn't need to see that)....Working with other security teams that either sleep, or whack off to other people having sex.



 (Read blog "caught you slimey handed")



Also had other security teams try to come in and offer their services to my Production team.



 (Fucking Snakes, there's a securty war going on right now, more on that later)



All this and nothing was stolen or damaged..(thank god!) Kind of weird that the show is over, it reminds me of going to camp, probably won't see half the people again. I was bummed that I wasn't able to go to the wrap party, not becuase I didn't want too but becuase I was hired to write this script. I'm sure I'll see everyone again, were still in the beginning of 2007.



Somebody once told me, "Security has it easy, you guys don't do anything, What's the purpose of your job anyway?"



First of all, we don't have it that easy, if you can deal with all that I mentioned plus more, then yeah it would be easy.  The purpose of Security is so Producers and Location Managers can sleep better at night knowing that when they arrive in the morning their equipment will still be there waitiing for them to make that hollywood magic.



(This NBC Exec, asked me that question when they came down for some scouting for a future show to be shot at this location)