I’m Finally sent to a nice work location. Malibu beach, well not really the beach but close enough right off PCH and I can hear and see the ocean from where I'm at. The sky is crystal clear blue (even though it did rain just the other night) the airbrushes through with this cool breeze and scent of ocean. This location is very quiet except for a car passing by every now and then on the road. My job for this weekend is to watch 1 picture truck, 1 trailer, 1 stake bed and 2 ten-ton trucks, very easy. The location were at is or seems at least high society. They have horse lessons and tennis lessons and art lessons going on here. Pretty much only expensive cars seem to be going passed me inside this ranch. I hear some jazz playing in the background. Luckily for me I bring my laptop and do some writing while enjoying this nice location. More Ferraris start to pour into this place; I hear it's someone's birthday party tonight. This white truck pulls up to me.
MAN: Hey there son, do you mind leaving this spot where you’re parked?.
ME: Why do you want me to leave? I'm watching that equipment parked right over there.
MAN: Do you have to be right here?
(I was parked on top of a hill)
ME: This is the only place I get really good phone service.
MAN: But your presence doesn't look good. We don't want to well you know.
(Here I thought everyone loved a security presence)
ME: Is it because I'm security or cause I'm brown?
MAN: Yes, no wait. Don't be putting words in my mouth.
ME: I didn't. Where do you want me to go?
MAN: I tell you what, how about you drive down the road a few miles, they have good phone service and you can park in the parking lot till at least 10 pm.
ME: What about the equipment?
MAN: Son, nothings going to happened to that stuff. This is Malibu not the hood.
ME: I tell you what; I'll just park down the hill next to my trucks.
MAN: Do what you will, just keep yourself hidden.
ME: Whatever dude.
I get into my truck and drive back down to my spot, so much for texting or talking on the phone tonight.
When the sun goes down, it gets really dark out here. (Trust me, I've been in some of those movie ranches and they didn't even come close to this darkness) The sky is totally awesome, Stars by the millions are in clear view, and these are the stars that get hidden from the city lights. Lucky for me to keep me awake I brought my DVD player. I didn't want to watch any movies till the music from the party at least stopped; I couldn't watch my movie with Hannah Montana music in the background. So I started to walk around in the dark. I notice some of the partygoers starting to wonder to my side. I flash my light at them. They start to walk towards me. I believe she was the oldest in the group, lady with the fake boobs tells the others to hold on while she handles this.
LADY: Hi.
ME: Hi.
LADY: I'm the mother of the birthday girl, and I was wondering if I could ask you something, better yet offer you something that'll be worth your night
.ME: Oh, really. What's that?
LADY: (she points) You see that girl right there?
ME: Which one?
LADY: The girl with the boots.
ME: Yeah.
LADY: She's a really big movie buff and never been on a movie set. And tonight's her birthday and we or just me; I want to get her devirginzed tonight. You know for her 18th birthday gift, actually just one of them cause we just bought her a brand new Denali.
ME: So you want me to let her and some guy have sex in one of these trailer rooms here?
LADY: Well that's where your night gets good. I was thinking more like you can take her in there and show her a good time. (She leans closer) You are experience right?
ME: What?
The lady grabs my crouch.
LADY: (whispering) Your not hung long are you, I don't want to scare her off, you know her first time and all.
The lady walks around me sizing me up.
ME: Why me, why don't you go inside and get someone else.
LADY: (whispers) She doesn't really have any friends, besides I had sex with my gardener and it was fucking unbelievable.
ME: I'm not a gardener.
LADY: You’re a Mexican security guard. Everyone knows that security guards are poor folks.
ME: What?
LADY: Yea, everybody knows that poor people know how to fuck better than rich people.
ME: How do you figure that?
LADY: Rich folks, like myself think about money and finances and shopping. Poor people think about dirty stuff and drink tequila.
(Are you fucking kidding me?)
ME: You need to take your ignorance ass and Shrek look a like daughter back over to the party.
LADY: What's the problem. Okay maybe not all brown people are poor; I talk to some of my brown friends that aren't poor, look I'm willing to pay. It'll be the easiest money you ever made. Look, 50 bucks for just going down on her, and 150 bucks for everything.
ME: What the fuck? I'm not a whore.
LADY: Look, you don't have to tell no one. I mean I don't have to know if your poor or hell you may be richer than me, well not that rich but at least live in a 2-bedroom apartment. I don't really give a shit, what I care about is making that little girl happy right now. Come on, it's for a good cause. (She leans closer)
Before I know it, her lips are pressed on mine, I feel her tongue trying to shove into my mouth. I push her back.
ME: Dude. Get off me.
I wipe the alcohol taste from my mouth. Strawberry hill? Who in the fuck drinks that shit anymore?
LADY: Slaps her lips together. Mm, you guys do taste good.
The birthday girl and the rest of the people behind her walk up.
GIRL: I thought you were going to make me happy for my birthday. What are you doing kissing him?
Before I know it they both start argue amongst each other.
ME: Look, I don't care how much you offer me, and you I hope you have a great birthday party but your dreams of fucking a Mexican aren’t going to happen.
GIRL: You offered to pay him! I fucking hate you!
The girl runs off back towards to the party, her friends follow.
LADY: You’re a fucking asshole! I would have gone up in price for you’re unworthy ass. Now you get to sit in the dark and fuck your hand!
She leaves towards the party. I stand there in the dark, thinking to myself. If production really knew what happens at night on their film set, cause I know that I'm still amazed at the crazy shit that happens.
