So Glad your not my Granny!

Today is the 3rd day of this 4 day commercial. I just love being in that commercial loop. Great pay, great food great people (well sometimes great people) Today's location is in the mid Wilshire district, we film at this corner location that I've been at before working on different features. We have our trucks parked on the side streets in the residential area. Mostly mid 30's and up reside in this populated area. I notice this older lady that I havent seen around this area today. She keeps asking crew for money and their cans and plastic bottles. The lady had to be in her late 70's easy. Wearing this faded white dirty dress with no bra on, leaving her saggy tits in view. I'm walking around the trailers when one of the P.A.'s comes over to me.

PA: Rj we need you over to set. We have this crazy older lady stepping in front of the camera.

ME: Why don't you get one of the retired cops we have on set who's suppose to be in charge of traffic instead are sitting down relaxing in the air condition production trailer?

PA: Come on man, what are those old geezers going to do?

ME: Good point.

(It's true I never seen any of these officers get into any confrontations, well actually only once i've seen that ever happen. I still think these cops we have on set are over paid)

I walk over to video village where I see the old lady shouting at the clients.

ME: Miss, I need you to step away please.

The lady looks at me with that "I know you" look on her face.

LADY: Fred? Fred, how you doing?

ME: Sorry lady but I'm not fred. But I do need you to walk this direction away from the crew please.

The old lady follows me away from the video village. The Producer walks up to me.

PRODUCER: What ever you do don't harm the lady please.

ME: I'm not going to harm the lady just moving her out from our video village.

PRODUCER: Just please don't harm her in front of the clients please.

I'm trying to listen to the producer as the old lady starts to scream.

LADY: Fred why did you make me do it! Why Fred! Why!

I look back at the old lady screaming when out of nowhere I'm struck in the face with a right hand from the old lady. I step back while the old lady is trying to give me an uppercut. I dodge the swings this lady keeps throwing at me. Now I haven't really been in a situation with someone as old as my grandparents so wasn't really sure what to do here. I look around and see if anyone is going to help but instead I see shock faces all around me. I see the retired Police officers looking out the Production office laughing. (Lazy Fucks!)

My other guard comes running over to my side. I tell my guard just wait it out til the lady runs out of breathe which she finally did. I helped the location manager walk the lady back to her apartment complex. After the jokes and teases from people on set things go back to normal. We start to hear someone screaming from down by the trailers. The P.A. Calls me over once again and tells me that my girlfriend (The Granny who punched me) is shouting from her balcony.

P.A.: She's like screaming craziness.

ME: What do you want me to do? She's not in our set, I can't do anything. Call the police.

P.A.: Well you have to do something.

ME: That's not my department. That's locations.

The Location manager comes over to us.

LOCATIONS: Ask the officers we have on set what we should do.

The P.A. Calls the officers on the radio. They reply "Call the police".

LOCATIONS: Okay call the police.

(Isn't that what I just said?)

The police arrive, Locations and myself tell him the situation. The lady comes out on her blacony screaming once again.

OFFICER: I take it that's her.

LOCATIONS: Yep.

OFFICER: Why aren't your police you have on set doing anything about this?

ME: They did, they said to call you.

OFFICER: Then what's their job?

ME: I'm still trying to figure that out myself.

The officer wants me and the Lcoation manager to go up with him to the ladys apartment. We get to her door, It's halfway opened. The Officer opens the door more, this foul stench escapes from the apartment.

(Much worse than the Teamster office trailer)

We see the lady sitting on a chair with her back to us. The officer calls out to the lady. The lady doesn't respond.

OFFICER: Hey security walk inside and see what she's doing.

ME: What? No way dude I seen the movie Quarantine. Next to African Americans, Security guards have the next highest death rate in a horror movie.

OFFICER: Are you kidding?

ME: Isn't it your job to go inside?

LOCATIONS: He's right, we just came up here to show you were she lived.

OFFICER: Well I'm not going in alone.

We agree that we all walk inside. The old lady jumps from her seat screaming her head off. The location manager throws his bottle water at the woman. (not sure why, maybe he was scared) The lady falls to the ground. The officer tells the lady if she doesn't calm down he's going to restrain her. The lady stays on the ground. The officer calls for a paramedic. The lady passes out.

LOCATIONS: Shit I killed her!

OFFICER: I think it's something else, she's still breathing.


Sure enough it was something else. When the paramedics arrive they say the woman is dehydrated. There was no food in her Fridge and the water in the apartment was shut off. Oh and the stench coming from that place. Well that was from 5 skinned cats this lady had hanging in her shower. I guess this lady really lost it mentally. I wasn't able to eat lunch that day or when I got home, nothing like seeing hanging dead cats to kill an appetite.

Next morning i'm over by the catering truck, (the dead cats site didn't keep me from eating that long). Few of the Grips and Juicers walk up to me.

GRIP: Dude, Rj I heard you got bitched slapped by some old lady and was mad cause she fucked your shit up in front of the crew then later went up to her apartment and shoved a water bottle down her throat then killed her cats.

JUICER: My Brotha Rj we totally have to party with your wild ass!

The cooks look at me.

COOK: Rj, that was you who killed the lady and the cats?

Stories on set just sometimes get way out of hand.

"ASAP!"

My cell phone rings, I try hard to open my eyes. I look at the clock to see what time it is and it's flashing 1:45 am.  (Damn I hope my guards ain't calling me from set to tell there’s trouble I have a 5 am call time and I just got off from work earlier tonight at 11pm. I answer the phone and the person (man) says they got my number from a producer I worked with in the past. The man says I'm trust worthy and keep everything to myself. I agreed. "But did you call me at 1:45 am to tell me that?" I said. The guy says no, that he had an easy job for me. His previous guy he uses was busy. I asked okay what’s the job and where do you want me to send my guard?  The guy says I want you. I let him know I'm already working on this huge TV show right now and I'm not available. I have 64 guards waiting for me in the morning to give them orders. The man assures me it'll only take 2 hours of my time. So what the hell, I take the job, since this wasn’t the first time I've received calls from someone late at night. Before I hang up the man asks. "Aren't you going to ask how 'much the job is?" I said nope. The guy asks why? I said if you’re calling me a.s.a.p. Then it must be good pay. The guy laughs. He proceeds with details of what I had to do, and he'll call me back in 45 minutes for an update. He didn’t give me his number; he called from a private number.

So I'm off to this address in Burbank where he says he client is lost and having trouble getting home. When arriving to the address I notice that it's a park. I've been at this place before, they filmed here more than once I get the call a few second after I scan the area. The man tells me his client is driving this light green classic type of car with so and so license and description of the person. (It’s a girl) I get out of my car and start walking around. I would of drive around but people around here might think I’m a burglar. (I’ve been in so many neighborhoods where they call the police even though my shirt says security on it)  So I'm walking around in the park, its pretty dark good thing I brought a flashlight with me. I don't see the car anywhere but inside the park I notice this black thing. I flash my light and the reflector from the car catches my lights beam. I think why would the car be parked in the park? I get closer and it turns out to be the classic car that I'm looking for. The back passenger door is open. I cautiously look around before I get too close to the vehicle. Just never know with people now days.

I see in the back seat this young girl drunk, naked and laid out on the seat. My first thought was shit is she dead? I get closer and flash my light on her face. No reaction. Shit I really think she's dead. Her face looks familiar but can't figure out who she is. I get the call from the guy. He tells me that paparazzi know of her location and I need to get her out right away. I let the guy know I'm not sure if this is the right person. I look thru her purse and find her id. I let the guy know is this person I'm suppose to be getting. He tells me to hold on. After a loooooong pause he says yes. I asked him what took him so long? Is there another car with a drunken naked girl passed out? He laughed and replied actually there is. I make my way to the front seat and write down the address for the drop off. I close the back door and that wakes the girl up. She looks at me and half stoned and half asleep she asked if we fucked. I look at her and say no. She says are you sure? I assure her and say no we didn't fuck. She lights up a cig and sits in her seat naked and says do you want to? I ignore her and buckle her up you know for safety and all. She leans close to me, which made sure her boobs slid across my face. I look at her and she has this smile on her face.

I get in the drivers spot and start up the car. I get a phone call again from the guy telling me I need to hurry cause paparazzi was very near. I'm thinking how does he know that, but he told me her cell phone has a gps tracker.

So I drive her to this nice huge home in Sherman Oaks and as soon as I drive into the driveway this young guy is waiting for me and tells me to get out. Before I can say anything the guy hands me an envelope, and lets me know that there’s a driver waiting for me outside. He gets in the truck and they drive up the driveway.  I notice the guy I just met wasn't the same guy who I talked to on the phone. I walk outside to the driveway, the gates to this house start to close. I look back and that’s when I hear someone call me. "Hey Rj" I look and out from the dark this young girl walks out with a cig in her mouth. She tells me  "I'm your driver to take you back to your car".

 She doesn’t say a word the whole trip back to my car and neither do I? When I get out she drives off fast. By the time I get back to my car its already 430 am, so instead of going home I head off straight to work. I look into the envelope and its 900.00 not bad I think to myself. Job was worth being tired on set today after all.

My security book!

So it's finally about that time when my security book "Life After Wrap" is finally a ebook and will be available on many sites. From the list I have so far it's Itunes, Barnes & Nobles, Amazon Kindle, Kobo, Copia, Nook and Reader. I'm told more outlets are coming but so far I have the link for Kobo.com

http://www.kobobooks.com/ebook/Life-After-Wrap/book-V18ssGDeyUOsOjEuiUaulg/page1.html

When I get more links, I will be posting them here and Twitter as well as facebook fan page. If you havent liked my facebook fan page you should!

Thank you everyone who's been enjoying my security book and hope you all look out for the 2nd part to the security series coming out in a few months.