"Opportunity Knocks Pt. 3"

"Opportunity Knocks loses its Opportunity"

Early morning drive to Castaic Lake. Last time I worked out here I was watching this house were this HugeHollywood  movie star's son and a few of his friends broke into the house we were filming in. I was also asked to do Dukes of Hazard 2 since they were going to film that out here. The money wasn't right, especially to drive this far out everyday back and forth. I'm sorry but if they could afford to put the whole crew up in hotels and not their security team. There's something wrong with that picture.

We arrive at basecamp very early in the morning, the wind is very and i mean very cold. So cold I'm pissing ice cubes in the honeywagon. I think I drank 3 or 4 cups of hot chocolate just to defrost myself. Yeah I'm totally not used to this. 7am rolls around and now the permit allows us to move into the neighborhood. When we arrive all hell is breaking loose. Nobody paid any attention to the "NO PARKING" signs posted and we had alot of cars parked in our spots for the trucks.

(Location managers and Producers, if you know your going to need the spot clear put a security officer on the spot with cones and they'll have that spot cleared for you... well at least some companies would... it avoids early morning shouts and rants from all the heads of each departments.)

I think i drank too much chocolate cause i was in and out pissing most of the morning. I did have breakfast. All i can say is that this catering company can really freaking cook!! The day went smooth typical crap like "why can't I park here, I live here" shit. We blocked the whole street to build our stage. Once the sun started to go down it got really cold. Thank God I'm not working the night shift, too cold for my blood.

Next morning it's freezing as fuck as usual. I passed on breakfast, cause today they were filming and i knew that they serve BBq to the neighbors for the inconvience they were causing. We had annoying kids trying to ride their skateboards thru our set, Sr had a fun time chasing them. I had the weird kid on my side.

KID: Hey security, why they filming here, my dad says they should film in poor neighborhoods since their neighborhood is already dirty it won't matter if the tv people mess it up.

ME: Dunno, ask locations.

KID: Hey security, do you know that ufo's land over in the lake there.

ME: Right.

KID: Hey security you wanna take pictures of me naked?

ME: wtf!

KID: Yeah, my mommy does it all the time with her friends.

ME: Your serious?

KID: Yeah, nothing wrong with it, you want to see the color of my underwear.

He starts unzipping his pants.

ME: Whoa whoa! your one freaking weird kid. Go home dude. really go home!

KID: Fine, but my mom sent me out here to see if you want to come over and see her naked. I'm going to tell her you didn't.

The kid skateboards away. For a really nice looking neighborhood there's some weird kids running around here. Our officers show up since now we have to blockade the streets and getting ready for our huge background group to show up.

OFFICER: How's it going buddy.

ME: Not bad, very nice neighborhood. Alot of empty homes I guess the real estate effect is hitting up here too.

OFFICER: Well most of the vacant homes here were drug dealers that we hauled away.

ME: What? I thought all the druggies moved to Chino, and all the Meth heads moved to Apple Valley.

OFFICER: Well we still have our share of smugglers here, they like the trails that lead into the angeles forrest.

The officer starts pointing to various houses showing me which ones were drug dealers and which ones still are.

OFFICER: One of these days they're going to slip like their partners but well catch them one of these days.

I wondered why majority of everyone in this neighborhood drove really expensive cars.

"Beep Beep!"

I turn to this BMW that wants to pull into our street.

ME: Sorry miss but the streets are closed now, you have to go around the block.

GIRL: Oh really? They started shooting.

ME: Soon, they just have tons of equipment laid out now.

The girl doesn't say anything, jsut stares at me.

ME: You know huge equipment blocking the street so you can't fit.

GIRL: Do you want to fuck?

Me: What? you want a buck? Or did you say what i thought you said?

GIRL: No not a buck, lol I make more than you will ever do in a lifetime. I want to know if you want to fuck?

ME: What?

GIRL: I am so digging on your tan and I know if i was to have a kid from you that kid will have your nice tan.

(Just stand in the sun for 12 hours and you too could have this tan)

ME: Just because I'm tanned doesn't mean your kid will have a tan.

GIRl: I'm so sure, of course he will. Look no ones home where I live, i just want a baby with your tan that would be so awesome!

ME: Sorry, but i'm taken and comitted to my girl (when i had a girl)

GIRL: Aww thats so romantic, man i wish i could find someone who had your tan for my baby.

ME: Sorry.

The girl drives off. The officer walks up to me.

OFFICER: That was alot of smiling there young man what did she want.

ME: She wanted to fuck.

OFFICER: What did you say?

 ME: I said no.

OFFICER: Are you fucking crazy that girl was smoking hot.

(she was hot, blonde blue eys, fit body type. but i'm one of those comitted guys)

ME: Yeah i know, but I'm taken.

OFFICER: Who fucking cares, shit I would of gave her a police escort up to the park and fucked her in my backseat.

ME: Wait, aren't you married.

OFFICER: Who cares, what she doesn't know won't hurt her.

ME: Nah, I have kids and a family.

OFFICER: So you''ll have a really rich bastard kid running around in castaic. Shit I have bastard kids I know running around from one nighters while on duty.

Me: Your crazy, lol. I don't play the wild side no more.

OFFICER: Your wrong man, damn. I can't be around you right now. You let a freaking hot chick go. Shit she could of been your suger momma. Damn your one stupid security gaurd.

ME: Yeah thanks. (fucking prick)

The officer walks away. I know that If i was siingle i would of did some really naughty damage, but I can't what can I say I'm in love.

Nightfall comes around they start shooting the episode. Our reliefs come in, I see the police officer talking to one of the grumpy neighbors who wanted money for the inconvience. Yes the production paid the neighbors 500.00 just for having them park their car across the street rather than in front of their house.

MAN: (points at me) You see that security guard kids, those guys are poor. They make only minimum wage, and can't find a real job.

I want to say something but i know i'll lose my temper. This young blonde lady walks out with drinks.

LADY: Here honey.

I recognize the girl, it's the girl from earlier. The officer recognizes the girl too, he looks at me and points to the girl.

OFFICER: Don't judge that security guy. I worked with him before you'll be suprised some of the hot sex offers he's gotten from people, it would freaking shock you.

MAN: Yeah like they could get pussy.

(if i was a prick i couldof had your wife's pussy jerk face!)

I keep on walking, not worth my time right now to argue. I guess that officer wasn't a prick after all. I could feel the ladies eyes just staring at me. I keep walking towards the car, man did it feel good to finally sit down.

A few days after we get the news that this tv show is canceled due to poor ratings. I guess it's break time till 2009 since no one films during the holidays.