"The Gay Net"

I have to say I'm starting to think twice about this security gig, when I first started this job I thought maybe this isn't for me but since working on this movie ("The Net" with Sandra Bullock) I got to eat really good food, meet very cool celebrities (Sandra Bullock) I would say the same about Dennis Miller but he was an asshole but then again he was okay with me towards the end of the show. Tonight were at this location in Santa Monica, not far from the ocean. One of the Ad's ask if I can go with their PA who's going to be stopping foot traffic from entering their shot. Sure not a problem. I walk over to the spot. Now where they posted me didn't seem like many people were going to be walking thru. There were bushes on both sides on this corner street. Now if I couldn't see the film crew from way down the block how in the hell could they see someone on the camera. I could understand if it was across the other side of the street but 4 blocks down? I don't get it. There's no film crew around, maybe some cables. Come to think of it there's not even anyone walking on the streets at 11:45 at night here in Santa Monica.

The PA walks up to me. He's wearing this thin tan top with like short short 80's type style shorts with tennis shoes.

PA: Looks like you and I will be here for a few hours.

ME: I guess.

PA: Don't sound so sour, we should make the best of this.

ME: The best of this all the action is over there. over here it's quiet. (come to think of it it's also pretty dark over here)

PA: I love the quietness, running around hearing all the screaming on the radios can be so stressing.

The PA starts rubbing his shoulders while using his other hand to rub his stomach from the inside of his shirt.

PA: Man I could us a good rub down right about now. How good are you with your hands?

ME: (why would a guy ask another guy that question?) Not good at all.

PA: You sure, you seem like your muscles on your arm can do some work in a massage.

I stay quiet.

He takes off his tan top and tucks it in his shorts, while letting the rest hang out.

PA: So you have a girlfriend? boyfriend? married?

(Boyfriend? what the fuck!)

ME: I'm not really dating anyone right now. These hours are hard to get myself in a relationship.

PA: Yea it does get pretty lonely, but you can still find romance on a movie set.

As he's talking to me I didn't realize that he was using his hands rubbing his legs, chest and even nipples. I was too busy concentrating on my surroundings.

I try to change the scene up a little.

ME: Damn it's pretty dark over here I think i should go get my flashlight.

PA: No worries, I'm well trained in the Martial arts form, and I have my trusty flashlight with me.

He pulls his flashlight from his faded red backpack.

PA: Beside, the lights from the streets would fade out the great scenery. Look at the stars don't they just look so glimmerous and so romantic at the same time.

Okay, now this is weird.

ME: ( i look up) Yeah stars look cool.

I try to get this guy to put back on his shirt cause all this body rubbing is very not cool.

ME: Damn, it's pretty cold tonight. Aren't you cold?

PA: It's not cold it's just right.

ME: I'm wearing a jacket and your wearing Go GO dancer shorts, I know you have to be cold if Im cold.

The Pa looks down on his chest. 

PA: Oh I see, because my nipples are hard that's why you think I'm cold right? And what's wrong with these shorts? These shorts are totally styling.

ME: Yeah back when Farrah Faucett wore them.

PA: What?

ME: Nothing.

PA: Well if your cold you can do what they used to do back in the days and stand next to me so both our body heats can heat us up.

Me: I'm not that cold.

PA: You know I'm glad that i got to pick you from the security guards to be posted with me way over here. 

Just then my father comes from around the corner.

GP: What are you two little bitches doing way back here in the dark?

PA: I'm just getting to know your son more. I think he has a lot of potential and a very special skill.

GP: Yeah well, it's time for us to go home. Our reliefs came in.

THANK GOD!

GP: You lil bitches can continue your gossiping tomorrow at work, I'm not coming in so Rj here can work the late shift since we won't be car pooling.

(Say what?)

PA: Guess I'll be seeing that chubby cute smile of your tomorrow Mr. RJ!

We walk back towards the truck.

GP: What the fuck was that all about? Your making money on the side by sucking dick in the bushes?

ME: (sarcastic) yeah you didn't know. He's one wierd Production assistant.

What I don know is that I'm feeling a cold coming in right about now.. *cough* cough*, looks like I'm calling in sick tomorrow and the rest of the days this Pa is working.