"LA Story"

Today should be a fun day. I'm working on the movie "LA Story" With Steve Martin. I've enjoyed his movies and thin he's a really funny guy. When I arrive at set I'm told that I'll be wwatching Steve Martin and his group. Today was a good day. I meet up with the AD.

AD: Mr. MArtin this is Rj, the guard that's going to be following you and your party around for the day.

Steve Martin continues talking with his assistant and pays no attention to me. The AD walks away. I stand there ready to move when he is. Martin finally notices me.

MARTIN: Okay first thiings first. Don't look at me, don't talk to me, don't talk about me. If you need to talk to me, talk to my assistant and my assistant will pass the message to me and vice versa. If were crossing the street don't look both ways cause if I'm crossing the street then most likely the street on myside is clear to cross.

ME: You want me to watch you but I can't look at you?

Steve Martin walks away over to his assistant who he brings back to me.

MARTIN: I think my guard is broken. I told him not to talk to me and he did. Can you explain to him what I mean, and if that doesnt seem to correspond in that dome of his then maybe Production should get us a translater in Spanish to explain this in more detail.

(Okay 2 things. 1. I'm going to bitch slap this old fuck by the end of the day. 2. I just realized that hollywood isn't as glamurous as I thought it was. 3. I'm so not supporting this movie when it comes out in the movie theaters. Okay so that was 3 things)

I play his little game but by lunch I can't take anymore of his insults and little games, so they decide to switch me to crew parking. I rather be doing nothing and getting paid for than eating shit from an asshole and getting paid for it. Then again I was told the reason why they switched me out is because I didn't get the Assistant their lunch. Sorry but I'm Friggin Security not a Production Assistant!!

So Glad your not my Granny!

Today is the 3rd day of this 4 day commercial. I just love being in that commercial loop. Great pay, great food great people (well sometimes great people) Today's location is in the mid Wilshire district, we film at this corner location that I've been at before working on different features. We have our trucks parked on the side streets in the residential area. Mostly mid 30's and up reside in this populated area. I notice this older lady that I havent seen around this area today. She keeps asking crew for money and their cans and plastic bottles. The lady had to be in her late 70's easy. Wearing this faded white dirty dress with no bra on, leaving her saggy tits in view. I'm walking around the trailers when one of the P.A.'s comes over to me.

PA: Rj we need you over to set. We have this crazy older lady stepping in front of the camera.

ME: Why don't you get one of the retired cops we have on set who's suppose to be in charge of traffic instead are sitting down relaxing in the air condition production trailer?

PA: Come on man, what are those old geezers going to do?

ME: Good point.

(It's true I never seen any of these officers get into any confrontations, well actually only once i've seen that ever happen. I still think these cops we have on set are over paid)

I walk over to video village where I see the old lady shouting at the clients.

ME: Miss, I need you to step away please.

The lady looks at me with that "I know you" look on her face.

LADY: Fred? Fred, how you doing?

ME: Sorry lady but I'm not fred. But I do need you to walk this direction away from the crew please.

The old lady follows me away from the video village. The Producer walks up to me.

PRODUCER: What ever you do don't harm the lady please.

ME: I'm not going to harm the lady just moving her out from our video village.

PRODUCER: Just please don't harm her in front of the clients please.

I'm trying to listen to the producer as the old lady starts to scream.

LADY: Fred why did you make me do it! Why Fred! Why!

I look back at the old lady screaming when out of nowhere I'm struck in the face with a right hand from the old lady. I step back while the old lady is trying to give me an uppercut. I dodge the swings this lady keeps throwing at me. Now I haven't really been in a situation with someone as old as my grandparents so wasn't really sure what to do here. I look around and see if anyone is going to help but instead I see shock faces all around me. I see the retired Police officers looking out the Production office laughing. (Lazy Fucks!)

My other guard comes running over to my side. I tell my guard just wait it out til the lady runs out of breathe which she finally did. I helped the location manager walk the lady back to her apartment complex. After the jokes and teases from people on set things go back to normal. We start to hear someone screaming from down by the trailers. The P.A. Calls me over once again and tells me that my girlfriend (The Granny who punched me) is shouting from her balcony.

P.A.: She's like screaming craziness.

ME: What do you want me to do? She's not in our set, I can't do anything. Call the police.

P.A.: Well you have to do something.

ME: That's not my department. That's locations.

The Location manager comes over to us.

LOCATIONS: Ask the officers we have on set what we should do.

The P.A. Calls the officers on the radio. They reply "Call the police".

LOCATIONS: Okay call the police.

(Isn't that what I just said?)

The police arrive, Locations and myself tell him the situation. The lady comes out on her blacony screaming once again.

OFFICER: I take it that's her.

LOCATIONS: Yep.

OFFICER: Why aren't your police you have on set doing anything about this?

ME: They did, they said to call you.

OFFICER: Then what's their job?

ME: I'm still trying to figure that out myself.

The officer wants me and the Lcoation manager to go up with him to the ladys apartment. We get to her door, It's halfway opened. The Officer opens the door more, this foul stench escapes from the apartment.

(Much worse than the Teamster office trailer)

We see the lady sitting on a chair with her back to us. The officer calls out to the lady. The lady doesn't respond.

OFFICER: Hey security walk inside and see what she's doing.

ME: What? No way dude I seen the movie Quarantine. Next to African Americans, Security guards have the next highest death rate in a horror movie.

OFFICER: Are you kidding?

ME: Isn't it your job to go inside?

LOCATIONS: He's right, we just came up here to show you were she lived.

OFFICER: Well I'm not going in alone.

We agree that we all walk inside. The old lady jumps from her seat screaming her head off. The location manager throws his bottle water at the woman. (not sure why, maybe he was scared) The lady falls to the ground. The officer tells the lady if she doesn't calm down he's going to restrain her. The lady stays on the ground. The officer calls for a paramedic. The lady passes out.

LOCATIONS: Shit I killed her!

OFFICER: I think it's something else, she's still breathing.


Sure enough it was something else. When the paramedics arrive they say the woman is dehydrated. There was no food in her Fridge and the water in the apartment was shut off. Oh and the stench coming from that place. Well that was from 5 skinned cats this lady had hanging in her shower. I guess this lady really lost it mentally. I wasn't able to eat lunch that day or when I got home, nothing like seeing hanging dead cats to kill an appetite.

Next morning i'm over by the catering truck, (the dead cats site didn't keep me from eating that long). Few of the Grips and Juicers walk up to me.

GRIP: Dude, Rj I heard you got bitched slapped by some old lady and was mad cause she fucked your shit up in front of the crew then later went up to her apartment and shoved a water bottle down her throat then killed her cats.

JUICER: My Brotha Rj we totally have to party with your wild ass!

The cooks look at me.

COOK: Rj, that was you who killed the lady and the cats?

Stories on set just sometimes get way out of hand.

"ASAP!"

My cell phone rings, I try hard to open my eyes. I look at the clock to see what time it is and it's flashing 1:45 am.  (Damn I hope my guards ain't calling me from set to tell there’s trouble I have a 5 am call time and I just got off from work earlier tonight at 11pm. I answer the phone and the person (man) says they got my number from a producer I worked with in the past. The man says I'm trust worthy and keep everything to myself. I agreed. "But did you call me at 1:45 am to tell me that?" I said. The guy says no, that he had an easy job for me. His previous guy he uses was busy. I asked okay what’s the job and where do you want me to send my guard?  The guy says I want you. I let him know I'm already working on this huge TV show right now and I'm not available. I have 64 guards waiting for me in the morning to give them orders. The man assures me it'll only take 2 hours of my time. So what the hell, I take the job, since this wasn’t the first time I've received calls from someone late at night. Before I hang up the man asks. "Aren't you going to ask how 'much the job is?" I said nope. The guy asks why? I said if you’re calling me a.s.a.p. Then it must be good pay. The guy laughs. He proceeds with details of what I had to do, and he'll call me back in 45 minutes for an update. He didn’t give me his number; he called from a private number.

So I'm off to this address in Burbank where he says he client is lost and having trouble getting home. When arriving to the address I notice that it's a park. I've been at this place before, they filmed here more than once I get the call a few second after I scan the area. The man tells me his client is driving this light green classic type of car with so and so license and description of the person. (It’s a girl) I get out of my car and start walking around. I would of drive around but people around here might think I’m a burglar. (I’ve been in so many neighborhoods where they call the police even though my shirt says security on it)  So I'm walking around in the park, its pretty dark good thing I brought a flashlight with me. I don't see the car anywhere but inside the park I notice this black thing. I flash my light and the reflector from the car catches my lights beam. I think why would the car be parked in the park? I get closer and it turns out to be the classic car that I'm looking for. The back passenger door is open. I cautiously look around before I get too close to the vehicle. Just never know with people now days.

I see in the back seat this young girl drunk, naked and laid out on the seat. My first thought was shit is she dead? I get closer and flash my light on her face. No reaction. Shit I really think she's dead. Her face looks familiar but can't figure out who she is. I get the call from the guy. He tells me that paparazzi know of her location and I need to get her out right away. I let the guy know I'm not sure if this is the right person. I look thru her purse and find her id. I let the guy know is this person I'm suppose to be getting. He tells me to hold on. After a loooooong pause he says yes. I asked him what took him so long? Is there another car with a drunken naked girl passed out? He laughed and replied actually there is. I make my way to the front seat and write down the address for the drop off. I close the back door and that wakes the girl up. She looks at me and half stoned and half asleep she asked if we fucked. I look at her and say no. She says are you sure? I assure her and say no we didn't fuck. She lights up a cig and sits in her seat naked and says do you want to? I ignore her and buckle her up you know for safety and all. She leans close to me, which made sure her boobs slid across my face. I look at her and she has this smile on her face.

I get in the drivers spot and start up the car. I get a phone call again from the guy telling me I need to hurry cause paparazzi was very near. I'm thinking how does he know that, but he told me her cell phone has a gps tracker.

So I drive her to this nice huge home in Sherman Oaks and as soon as I drive into the driveway this young guy is waiting for me and tells me to get out. Before I can say anything the guy hands me an envelope, and lets me know that there’s a driver waiting for me outside. He gets in the truck and they drive up the driveway.  I notice the guy I just met wasn't the same guy who I talked to on the phone. I walk outside to the driveway, the gates to this house start to close. I look back and that’s when I hear someone call me. "Hey Rj" I look and out from the dark this young girl walks out with a cig in her mouth. She tells me  "I'm your driver to take you back to your car".

 She doesn’t say a word the whole trip back to my car and neither do I? When I get out she drives off fast. By the time I get back to my car its already 430 am, so instead of going home I head off straight to work. I look into the envelope and its 900.00 not bad I think to myself. Job was worth being tired on set today after all.

My security book!

So it's finally about that time when my security book "Life After Wrap" is finally a ebook and will be available on many sites. From the list I have so far it's Itunes, Barnes & Nobles, Amazon Kindle, Kobo, Copia, Nook and Reader. I'm told more outlets are coming but so far I have the link for Kobo.com

http://www.kobobooks.com/ebook/Life-After-Wrap/book-V18ssGDeyUOsOjEuiUaulg/page1.html

When I get more links, I will be posting them here and Twitter as well as facebook fan page. If you havent liked my facebook fan page you should!

Thank you everyone who's been enjoying my security book and hope you all look out for the 2nd part to the security series coming out in a few months.

"LIfe After Wrap"

so yes after long awaited time and delays with various people my security book is now available for everyones enjoyment. Warning this book may be addicting and contain some material aimed at mature audiences! Welcome to my world of the dark side of security!

https://www.createspace.com/3645620


Rj

"Fast Cash"

Tonight I’m in a different kind of jungle. My base camp is on Union and James Woods in Los Angeles, not a very good area. The show I’m working on is a movie for the Hallmark channel. Lucky for me its raining pretty hard. But for some reason it doesn’t keep the dirt off the streets. Sure enough I catch this girl jumping the fence and into our camp. I confront her. She’s dripping totally soaked. Her make up was smeared from the rain. The bruises on her arm looked as if someone used her for a punching bag. No jacket and dressed as if she just came from a club or worked the streets.

GIRL: I need to hide, their coming for me!

ME: Go hide someplace else.

GIRL: You need to help me security guy. There not far behind me!

ME: Don’t go brining your trouble here.

GIRL: I’ll pay you 2 thousand dollars to hide me in one of these trailers!

She brings out tons of folded bills in her hand. There were more bills stuffed in the bag she was carrying.

(wow 2 thousand bucks just to hide her in here)

ME: Sorry, no can do. You have to leave now.

GIRL: Fuck you then! I was trying to make you some fast cash asshole! Fuck You!

She runs to the other side of the parking lot, then climbs the fence and makes her way down the street. Two minutes later this car comes screeching from the alley where she  just come from. This guy jumps out of the car holding a gun.

GUY: Hey you see this girl running around?

ME: No.

GUY: FUCK!!

He jumps back in the car and they keep on driving. Whatever that girl did, hopefully she got away, who knows what they would of did to her if they caught her that night, more less done to me if I would of helped her out.

"Verizon Commercial"

I remember working on these commercials back inthe day when it was just the Verizon dude and not the huge crowd of people they call the Network in today's commercials. It's weird cause I always thought they used computer graphics to add the Network in on their commercials, well I can say they don't. They use many and I mean many people to fill those spots. Today we have a 400 extra background call.. Normally on cattle calls like these you have all types of werid background folks showing up on set but for some reason the  majority of people that showed up were actually hot, I mean even some of the guys looked fuckable.

 (I know that sounds gay, which i'm not!!! But these extras were really hot looking)

I was talking with some of the Agency people and they said they made sure that their extras were hot looking especially the women. I'm not sure if it's weird or maybe it's just Hollywood but even some of the female Agency  peeps were talking how they just wanted to go up and grab some of these woman's asses.

 (now if us guys were to talked like that on set it would be considered Sexual harrassment, hmm. Go figure)

We had so many people on the crew that we had to have 2 catering trucks, one for the crew and Sag extras, and the other for the non union extras.  What I really hate is answering every person where to go to check in at.

 (now if people can't see that huge long line with people holding their clothes then somethings wrong)

EXTRA: Is that the check in line?

ME: No, it's the bathroom line. (I lied)

EXTRA: What the fuck.

ME: Yeah, I know, I guess when you have to go you really have to go.

I point to another section of tables with paper work on it and told people to go over there.

EXTRA: Cool man thanks.

(I know I'm being an ass right now, but my crew call was 3:30 in the morning, who in the hell works at 3 in the morning? Not only that but do you know its really annoying when you have signs posted everywehere for crew to park and when people drive up what's the first thing they ask. "Is this Verizon?" Sometimes i just don't know what to say, I mean the sign i'm standing next too says Verizon. It could get really irritating especially at 3 in the morning. How many people do you know work at that time of day? Well other than drug dealers and hookers. Okay so I was just a little cranky)

I hate having  to tell people where to go and the job of kicking someone out of line just cause their not union so I assigned one of my guards in that spot while I went to go and park some cars in the crew lot. When breakfast was done I switched back into basecamp. I ask my guard how things went.

GUARD: It would of went better, but alot of these extras were pissed off, someone told them to stand in the wrong line. people were late and things were all screwed up.

ME: Damn, I hate when people do that.

GUARD: I don't know, but everybody was all pissed off.

(Yes I know, I'm an ass at times)

Most of the day was the usual crap, kids trying to roam around trailer land, homeless bothering the catering truck for food and so on and so on. I went back to crew parking later that day, since I had to charge my phone. We had just rolls and rolls of cars parking in this church parking lot. I walk around this one isle and come face to face with one of the blonde hotties from the commercial. I must of startled her cause she dropped her asprin jar.

GIRL: Oh my god you like so scared the goosebumps out of me.

(What the hell?)

ME: Sorry.

She picks up her container and opens it. It's filled with white powder.

GIRL: Wanna do some lines with me?

ME: Nah, I'm good.

GIRL: I know your good, you sure you don't want none?

ME: Yeah I'm sure.

She starts to sniff that stuff into her nose.

ME: Besides, I'm more of a Pepsi guy than a Coke guy.

The girl stares at me in puzzlement. I slowly start to walk backwards.

She starts laughing.

GIRL: Oh my god your so freaking funny. (she continues to laugh)

(it wasn't that funny)

ME: Well I'm off to do some security stuff.

GIRL: My body feels so tingly, you sure you don't want your body feeling this good sweetie Or at least feel my tingly sensation?

(I had one of those look at the camera for 2 seconds and smile moments)

ME: I pass, see you on set.

GIRL: That you will.

I walk away just as I get 3 more isles down the way I run into a car load of PA's smoking pot.

They ask me the usual questions "like do I ever see any weird stuff in a parking lot" Yes and No I answer them, but nothing too out their lately. I walk away and just 3 more isles down from the Pa's I come across this car with this girl laying on her back humming. I stop in my tracks, just something didn't look right. I back up and look into the car. The girl wasn't humming, she was moaning. She had one of those electrical devices in her downtown spot with her other hand under her shirt playing with her nipples. I'm not sure if she had her eyes open since she was wearing shades. So after 5 minutes of staring with excitement I walk away (just kiding, it was more like 2 minutes)

I thought what the Pa's had asked me a few minutes earlier. I think this comes up as one of those weird things you never see in a parking lot. Yep, gotta love those cattle calls.